During the first semester of my studies in Innovation and Entrepreneurship, we were introduced to the concept of the Entrepreneurial Mindset. This concept has existed for quite some time and can help people tackle challenges with clarity and confidence rather than make you feel stuck or overwhelmed. It lies in a powerful, but often overlooked skill: self-leadership.
Self-leadership is about taking responsibility for your own actions, decisions and growth. It’s the art of guiding yourself - no matter what life throws your way - by understanding your values, focusing on what you can control, and making intentional choices that align with your goals.
In my experience learning this skill - I instantly felt guilt, because it seemed like logic and as common knowledge - so why did I feel like this? That is why I chose to experiment with expanding my knowledge in trauma healing, while learning this skill.
One of the most influential frameworks for self-leadership comes from Stephen Covey’s classic book, The 7 Healthy Habits for Highly Effective People. Covey’s approach goes beyond quick fixes, it’s about building lasting habits that help you achieve what he calls the personal victory - mastering yourself before you try to lead others.
In this post - I’ll share how these habits empowered me to become my best leader and how you can do it too - and kill the feeling of guilt with a caring hand.
What is self-leadership?
It is the practice of intentionally influencing your own thoughts, behaviors and emotions to achieve your personal and professional goals. Unlike traditional leadership, which focuses on guiding others, self-leadership is about becoming the leader of your own life.
At its core - it means the following:
- Taking responsibility for your actions and choices, rather than blaming circumstances or other people.
- Setting a clear direction for your life by understanding your values and vision.
- Managing your mindset and habits so you can respond proactively, not just react to what happened around you.
Seems simple, right? It’s said than done. - Especially with the emotions for me. Meanwhile practicing the tools and changing one habit after the other, I came across something called “Inner Child therapy”, which I’ve grown quite fond of due to my background, experiences and trauma. I’ve previously tried to connect with myself before, but didn’t seem to find the right tools for it. This type of therapy connect you with yourself as a child, where you promise yourself to be the adult you needed, when you were a kid. This applies to the Inner Teenager as well.
This and self-leadership has been about learning to pause before reacting, making decisions that aligns with my own values and asking: “What can I do, right now, to move closer to the life I want to build? And what is my past self trying to tell me?” It’s an on-going journey, but one that brings a deeper sense of purpose and fulfilment.
Of course - the tools won’t be an easy or a quick fix, because you will without a doubt encounter many instances that will test you. So let’s take it from the top with focusing on the Personal win according to Stephen Covey’s book.
Focus on your personal wins - and get ready.
The first three habits, often referred to “the personal win” or “the private win”, lay the foundation for self-leadership by focusing on yourself before seeking to influence others. These habits are designed to help you build independence, personal responsibility and clarity about your values and goals.
- Habit one: Be proactive
- Recognize that you are responsible for your own life.
- Proactive people show the tendency to understand their behavior and that it’s a function of their decisions. Instead of reacting to external circumstances, they focus on what they can control - their “circle of influence”.
An example would be you prioritize putting money aside for an emergency fund, because you would like to be less financial anxious and become more financial secure in the future.
Depends on how much you put aside and for how long - you’ll be able to encounter less frustration, when you’re presented with a situation that requires you to spend money on an emergency - hence the name. You’re proactively working towards financial literacy and security. For me - I had to switch from putting the ‘rest’ of my money at the end of the month to starting ‘paying myself first’ by the start of the month.
Not sure where to start? Then you’re going to love the next habit on the list.
- Habit 2: Begin with the end
- By defining a clear vision, will help you define your missions.
- By clarifying your values and setting long-term goals, you can ensure your daily actions align with what matters most to you. Creating a personal mission statement is a practical way to implement this habit and will act like a compass.
This was very tricky for me - and I’m not alone in this area. My coach from my bachelor studies told my class we should try and imagine ourselves at our own funeral: “What do you want people to tell others about you after you’re gone - how would you like to be remembered?”
I remember my first thought after I heard this: “It’s important for me to make peace with myself” - and this is where my Inner Child Therapy began. It would be a part of my personal win and in theory - it would make my vision more robust - no matter what type of vision I chose and their missions alongside it.
- Habit 3: Do the first things first
- Once you’ve clarified your values and goals, it’s time for you to prioritize your actions accordingly. It’s the discipline to focus on what’s most important - not just what’s most urgent.
- Covey encourages you to organize your time and energy around your highest priorities, saying “no” to distractions and lesser tasks, so you can say “yes” to truly what matters to you.
I’ve been pretty good at managing my time and tasks into categories before I got to know of Covey’s 7 habits. Yet - I often felt drained and mostly relied on motivation - but there was a problem - and I wasted most of my 20’s on this. With motivation coming and going and often fluctuate due to emotions - discipline builds your integrity towards yourself and your vision despite emotions. It keeps the fire going - and gradually heals the turmoil you struggled with if done properly and with proper coaching and tools.
By connecting these three habits - you will experience they’ll go hand-in-hand in your daily life over time - and give you the power to prioritize what’s important to you.
Finding your center and values
If you’ve seen “The Rise of The Guardians” you know how hard Jack Frost had to work to figure out what his center was. Yet - he still found it over time after going through his past, reflecting what’s important to him - and how he could go towards that path.
Understanding your values and your “center” is crucial for authentic self-leadership. Both concepts help you align your daily actions with what truly matters, creating a stable foundation for decision-making and personal growth.
Covey empathizes that everyone has a “center” - the core source from which you draw your sense of security, guidance, wisdom and power. Your center could be family, work, money, relationships, spiritual or even yourself. Although the center is important - only leaning with one of these centers can be unstable or limiting.
A classic example would be if your center is money, your sense of security and decision-making will fluctuate with your financial situation.
Another example would be if your happiness depends on others’ approval - you’ll constantly feel adrift.
From my own experience - I don’t belong solely to one of these centers. I am aware of the negative impact it can have on me, and if I did only have one - I would disrespect myself as a child. I use discipline (habit 3) to make peace with myself (habit 2) and I proactively do the things I have to do (habit 1), in order for me to continually become a better person and live a life with integrity, authenticity, honesty and security. In short - becoming the person I needed, when I was a child.
So let me ask you a question you can reflect on:
“What would your younger self need to hear in order to feel safe?”
You can already begin to integrate these steps into your daily life to build your self-leadership skills through Covey’s framework:
- Start with habit 1: Control your Circle of Influence
- Your task: Write down three stressors in your life and categorize them into:
- Habits, communcation and events.
- Focus on your habits and communication. You can control this - but not events.
- Example: If financial anxiety is a stressor, focus on actionable steps like automating savings (control) or learning investment basics.
- Draft a personal mission statement in one sentence.
- Tip: Imagine how you’d like to be remembered to identify your non-negotiable values.
- Prioritize with the Eisenhower Matrix
- Organize your tasks into four quadrants:
- Urgent / Important: Handle immediately - attack this with a vengence.
- Not urgent / Important: Schedule these - they’re your highest leverage.
- Urgent / not important: Delegate or minimize this - they’re considered interruptions.
- Not urgent / not important: Eliminate - these are distractions.
In conclusion, self-leadership is not about perfection - it’s about showing up for yourself, even when guilt, doubt or old wounds try to derail you. As you’ve seen through Covey’s first three habits and my journey, true growth happens when you:
- Take ownership of your choices (habit 1)
- Define a vision (habit 2)
- Act with discipline to honor that vision (habit 3)
The question I asked earlier - “What would your younger self need to hear to feel safe?” - isn’t rhetorical. It’s a key to unlock the power of self-leadership.
When you can reparent yourself with the same integrity you’d offer a child, you build a life where security comes from within, not from money, approval or external validation.
The path to self-leadership is not linear. Some days, you’ll feel like Jack Frost - lost and searching for your center. Other days, you’ll be the guardian you needed all along. Both are a part of the journey.
Remember: Every choice to act proactively, every moment spend aligning with your valies, and every “no” to distractions is a promise to your younger self: “I’ve got you now - and I’ll do my best to take care of you.”
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